New School Year.....or, I'm A Complete Tool (couldn't decide on a title)

Since I released my last born child into the big world of Kindergarten, I now have an empty nest. I have so much time to myself it's ridiculous! I get all of my errands done by 9 am and the rest of the day seems to be mine. I am simply farting around and having fun. I'm so worthless. And I love it!! So here is day 1's adventure in boredomland. Ignore my scrappy hair. Why fix it if I'm not going anywhere, eh? At least I got dressed!! And I am completely aware that I am hitting some seriously sour notes but I never said I was auditioning for American Idol. (but if you guys are interested, then call me) :)

PS I'm not looking at the camera because I have to read the words on the machine, although it is such a repetitious song, it's insane.

Posted by Catherine at 3:33 PM Email This

BlogThis!

Share to Twitter

Share to Facebook

Share to Google Buzz

0 comments:



Post a Comment







Home

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) Followers

Introducing.....

    Meet Teddy, the Texas Yeti.  Teddy is actually a North Pole Yeti.  He knows this for a fact because he has traced his geneology and besides that fact.....well, he's a yeti!  But how Teddy ended up in Texas is beyond him.  He doesn't really care how he got here, all he knows is that he's staying.  He's Texas through and through and loving every minute of it! 

    The lifespan of a Yeti is unknown.  Therefore, Teddy feels like everyday is a blessing.  He is determined to live life to its fullest and make the most of every single day.  Afterall, this could be Teddy's last day on Earth....and even worse, his last day in Texas.  Yeeeeeehaaaaw!  So I hope you'll enjoy checking in every once in a while to see the many adventures that Teddy will embark upon.  Trust me, you won't be disappointed. (just maybe a little jealous)

Annoying Adages

So I was cruisin around on the "Jedi Council Forum" of The Force.net  (So what?!  Leave me alone!)  Anyway, they were discussing some of Luke's most annoying quotes.  This got me thinking about some of the things we say that are the equivalent of running your nails down a chalkboard, for me.  Everytime I hear them my stomach churns and I wanna rip the tongue out of the messenger.  So here are a few examples of quotes that "get my goat".  (that would be #1...hehe)
OK, here we go, quotes that drive me nutbags:
2)  "It's not guns that kill people, it's people that kill people."  Do I even have to explain why this one is just plain stupid?!  Yes, I get the overall point.  If I just lay a gun down on the floor, it won't do a damn thing.  However, this still doesn't explained how every psycho on earth owning a gun is going to improve our odds of staying safe.  WHen I hear this expression, I envision a family of toothless half-wits, all sitting around staring at their family gun on the floor, waiting for it to jump up and shoot the intruder that just snuck in the back door.  Seriously.  This is just a stupid quote.


3)  "If life gives you a bowl of lemons, make lemonade".  I'm all for a nice, cool glass of freshly squeezed lemonade, but most the time life gives you shit.  Hmmm.  So what the hell am I supposed to do with that?


4)  "Live life to the fullest".  This one just pisses me off.  Don't get me wrong.  I'd love to live my life this selfishly.  However, doesn't this go against everything your parents ever taught you?  Just shirk your responsibility and go skydiving in Guatemala!  Have sex with lots of random people.  Swim naked in a lake during the coldest winter months.  What the hell!  Woohoo!!  Afterall, you may only live another 2 months, ooooor 82 more years (!!!!!!), but go ahead and do everything you ever wanted to do.  Live life without regard for your safety or those who love you.  This is grand advice.  (insert sarcastic voice here)


5)  "Everything happens for a reason".  Are you sure you want to stand behind this one?  My husband HATES that I spit my gum out on the sidewalk.  When you walk right into it, are you sure that it happened for a reason?  Or did you step into my gum because I'm an inconsiderate asshole and nothing more than that? 

6)  "When God closes a door, he opens a window".  First of all, is there a tornado coming?  Why are we opening and closing all of the doors and windows when the a/c is on?  Is God aware of how high my last electricity bill was?  Geez.

7)  "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"  (giggle, giggle.......I know, I'm extremely immature).  But seriously, what the hell does this even mean?  When was the last time you went into a Subway shop and tried to pay with a "bird in your hand".  "Oh wait, wait, I have two here in my bush, let me get those out for you, instead". 

8)  "What's done is done".....oh, really?  Thanks for enlightening me because I thought we were just getting started.  My bad.

9)  "Beat around the bush"...can anyone actually use this one without busting out laughing? (again I am giggling...sorry)   What's with all of the references to bush?  (I feel so dirty)


10)  ""Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies."  So we're supposed to just sit here in silence because you're a lying turd?  Well, thanks for being honest.  Or are you?  hmmm.


11) WWJD?  or "What would Jesus Do?".  While I do concede that this is a great way to live your life, I'm also aware of it's hypocrisy.  Don't you always see the "WWJD" sticker on the back of a huge, gas-guzzling SUV, next to the NRA sticker?  So Jesus would load up his crew in the soccer van and drive across town to eat pizza and play games at Chuck E. Cheese's, while bitching in traffic and screaming at the kids?  He would? OK, Cool.  I stand corrected. 


12)  "This too shall pass".  Thanks for explaining how time works.  I wasn't sure what was going to happen next!  Phew.  Glad you cleared that up for me.

Lucky 13) "Hard work never killed anybody".  (Explain that to this guy.  OUCH.)

And now for some quotes that I can appreciate:

1)  "You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself."  Ethel Barrymore.

2)  "I am ready to meet my maker.  Whether my maker is ready for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter."  Winston Churchill

3)  "I'm smart enough to know that I'm dumb."  Richard Feynman

4)“The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired.”  Man, I love Stephen Hawking!

Octopussy

I took my kids to the bookstore and told them that they could buy anything they wanted, for Valentine's Day. Well, of course this was a huge mistake because in "kid world" semantics are very important. I said "anything", didn't I? So my boys picked out $40.oo Thomas the Train accessories, of course. But my daughter picked out the cutest little octopus. (Of course no one picked out a book...the whole reason I took them there in the first place) Anyway, the octopus was pink and fluffy. It really needed a cute and fluffy name to go along with it's asthetics. I asked her what she was going to name it and she said, "Octopussy"....."Pussy, for short". I bit the insides of my cheeks, to keep from laughing and said, "Well, that's a wonderful name, but I have some other suggestions." This was never going to work because when I challenge her, she fights back even more. She's very hard-headed. We paid for our merchandise and went out to the car. There, I proceeded to offer up alternative names. "How about sassypus or octofluffy?" And she replied, "Those are great Mom, but this is Pussy!" I was going to HAVE to come up with something fantastic or she'd never change her mind. And I was going to have to come up with it fast...before she offended everyone we knew (and a few strangers, to boot). Meanwhile, she's purposely trying to annoy me by repeating the name as much as possible. (bear in mind that she has no idea why I'm opposed to it...she is only five!) "Ian, see my Pussy?" "Woo, this is Pussy" (and a few other comments that I'm not even comfortble putting on this blog!!) I start to panic because every time she gets a new stuffed animal, she takes it to school to show everyone. What would I do when the teacher called me and fussed at me for letting my daughter bring "Pussy" to school?!! My wheels were turning and I finally came up with an idea that she simply couldn't refuse. I strategically turned on the song "Fabulous" from High School Musical. I grabbed "pussy" and started to make it dance to the song. And the coup de gras, I said "Hey, this octopus sure would make a great Sharpay!" She loved the idea. Thank you lord!!I owe you one!

Next Challenge

Now that our trip to Disney is officially over (although I'm a bit in denial still...sniffle.), I'm trying to look toward our upcoming Colorado trip. This is when I'm going attempt to climb Long's Peak - my first "fourteener". I'm making it my new goal to start rigorously training for it. It's NOT my New Year's resolution though, because those things are always doomed to fail, right? Instead, it's just my newest challenge. And one thing you should know about me: I NEVER back down from a challenge. It's a Burnett girl trait, I think. We're quite competitive. We pretend we're not though. That's part of our game. Usually works too. However, I was initially having a hard time getting properly motivated to exercise........until the holidays came. (cue the bad-ass music...oh yea, are you feelin the mood yet?) Anyway, at the family Christmas party, we were all discussing the Long's Peak climb and my grandmother kept insinuating that I'll never make it up with all of the "athletes" in my family because they've all been exercising, while I've been sitting around on my butt, popping out babies for the last 5 years. (Which is technically true, but it sounds like an insult, none the less) "Are you challenging me, old lady?", I thought. Huh? Huh? Well bring it on Grammy! Bring. It. On. (ok, I don't really talk like this to my grandmother. I love and respect her very much...but this is what I was thinking.) Anyway, I decided then and there that I was gonna be so ready for that damn mountain that I'll be laughing my fucking ass off at the top of it! HA, HA, HA, bitches. Fourteen, schmourteen. I scoff at your wimpy-ass peak....maybe I'll just do it in heels! Just watch me!! Oh yea, you just watch me. Meet ya' at the top, weenies! Here we go...